people that are 20+ and still in their “being an asshole is funney xD r u triggered?????” phase are wild to me. how are you a grown ass adult and still not aware there’s no pride in being the physical manifestation of a headache?
It’s redbud season, and you know what that means! Chowing down on flowers right off the tree.
GROMCH
What the fuck what the fuck you just ate a fucking flower aMERICA EXPLAIN how the fuck You can eat fucking flowers someone please explain I’m so confused are these even edible what the FUCK
There are a lot of edible flowers! They all have distinct flavors. These are redbud (Cercis canadensis) flowers, which have a mild, sweet, semi-fruity taste.
Before you eat any flower, make sure you a.) can confidently identify it as an edible, b.) know that it has not been sprayed with pesticides, c.) don’t eat anything that’s been growing near a motorway. Oh, and d.) wash it, especially if it is growing below the, uh, waistline.
You wake up with two small lumps on your back, just around your shoulder blades. Your friend has a similar dilemma, however, theirs are on their forehead, and look like zits. Small horns protrude from theirs, while feathers come from yours.
Within a month, you have large, white, dove wings, while your friend has long, curly horns. Turns out, you’re an angel, they’re a demon, and you’re supposed to fight. But you both’d rather just go see a movie.
“We just, like, really bonded over growing mysterious additional appendages,” the angel tries to explain to the Heavenly Agent that comes to ask why they are not in the process of thwarting their enemy. “And, like, she’s not really doing anything evil? Besides, you know,” the angel continues, almost under her breath, “being hella cute.”
“What,” the Agent says. “What was that last part?”
“Nothing,” says the angel unconvincingly. She squints up at the sky and then back to the Agent. “Must have been the wind.”
The Agent wishes that they’d just use heaven-born angels, like in the old days. These earthly messengers are…tedious.
The new angel looks at the Agent guiltlessly and stubbornly doesn’t think about how cute her friend’s butt is in case they can read minds.
Judging by the look one the agent’s face, they can.
————–
“Why aren’t you out there tempting humans?” The Demonic Agent demands of the newly minted demon. They feel their rage growing hotter as they watch her spin again in her desk chair.
“Don’t want to tempt humans,” the demon says. She appear to have been using her new horns as receipt spikes. There’s one for fro-yo for two.
“Then attack your nemesis,” the Demonic Agent tries.
The demon gives them a very dry look. “Go fuck yourself.”
The Demonic Agent wants to cry. “You’ve been given awesome powers, respect, a title, and the duty to do what you ALREADY do– fuck with people. Why. Aren’t. You.”
The demon makes another slow rotation. “Got stuff to think about.”
“What. Stuff?” Asks the Demonic Agent through gritted teeth.
“Nunya,” the demon says.
“What?”
“Nunya fuckin business is what,” the demon says. “Now get outta here, I gotta seduce this chick.”
The demonic Agent feels his hopes rose. “You’re going to tempt a human?”
“I’m thinking more along the lines of a long-term committed relationship with an angel,” the demon says, grinning a sharp grin.
The Demonic Agent buries their face in their hands and wishes demons were less obstinate creatures.
Guys, I’m going to put this out here for ALL artists who draw nsfw:
Separate your SFW accounts from your NSFW accounts using a separate email address right now.
Make sure you back up your blogs at The Wayback Machine as soon as you can.
A few of us have noticed some stuff on Tumblr where blogs have been deleted for having “child pornography” when all the drawn characters are over the age of 18 (and no, not “aged up” content. actual adults).
–> Make a new tumblr account with a new email and verify it. –> On your old account, click the human icon beside the pencil at the top right corner of Tumblr. This opens all of your attached blogs.
–> Go to the “Members” page of each side blog you wish move.
–> Put in your new blog’s email for each of the side blogs you wish to move. This will link the blogs together.
–> Confirm your linked blog(s) in your new blog’s email account. –> On your old blog, Go back to the member’s page of each side blog on your old blog and appoint your new blog as an “admin”.
–> Click “Delete this blog” on your OLD BLOG you are separating.
Your blogs will now be on separate email accounts. Congratulations.
PLEASE BE CAREFUL NOT TO DELETE THE WRONG BLOG. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS VERY CAREFULLY. BE VERY CAUTIOUS.
Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.
Marshmellowmilktea 