Disclaimer: This post is intended as satire/comedy – I actually like a vast majority of my customers but after over 5 years of this gig I’ve definitely seen some repeating and frustrating customers that take up a lot of valuable company time.
These are all true encounters.
The Totally-Not-A-Felon:
They want to know if you can “just run a background check” without them trying to buy a firearm. They keep asking questions about their “friend’s” restraining orders/criminal record/it’s-a-felony-but-it-was-10-years-ago-does-that-matter? and if that will affect their “friend’s” ability to buy a firearm or not. Once they have figured out that will most likely get a denial on their background check through a dealer they will ask about gun shows, pawn shops, and private party sales. After explaining to them all firearm sales in Oregon require a background check regardless of where they are performed they will get angry and leave.
The Historian:
You have 2 employees on the shop floor and 9 customers in the shop. They keep asking to see a firearm out a case just so they can tell you everything they know about it. They will comment on how busy the shop is yet will still continue to ask to see more firearms just so they can impart their knowledge about what’s “cool” or “unqiue” about this particular firearm to you. You have learned absolutely nothing new about the CZ 85, Bersa Thunder 380, Springfield XDS, or the used Star BM they have asked to see. They do not purchase anything and you are pretty sure they live in their parents basement.
The Unreachable:
They constantly transfer in firearms and check in every few days to see if it’s arrived despite you telling them that you will call them once it’s in and ready for pickup…although they have access to a tracking # they do not check it. Once the firearm arrives you attempt to call them yet their voicemail is full or just not setup and they will not return your missed calls. It takes them a little over a week to come in and pick up their transfer. If it is an NFA item they will forget to mail in/somehow lose their Form 4 you filled out for them and take 3 months to come in to get a new one.
The Hiding Husband:
He comes into the shop about every other month and spends an hour browsing your inexpensive/used firearms. He constantly laments how his wife won’t let him buy anything or that he has to get permission first. He glances at his phone every few minutes, and upon seeing the missed calls or texts from his wife he’ll say something like “uh-oh, she knows I’m here!” or “I should really go pick her up” and then proceed to stay in the shop for another 15 minutes. Since starting to come into your shop he has yet to spend a penny with you however he has cumulatively spent about 6 hours of your time asking questions and seeing items out of cases. You pray he gets a divorce.
The Indecisive Barterer:
They will take 2-3 visits at the shop to make up their mind on the same firearm, however their finances do not allow them to keep more than 2-3 firearms in their collection, so they constantly trade in one of their last purchases toward their next one. At this point you have sold them 2 different Glock 43s for their summer carry and 3 different Glock 19s for the winter carry. They have also paid for an AR15 via a combination of a trade in S&W Shield, 2 different credit cards, cash, and change their wife had to scrounge for out of their car. They wish you accepted Paypal and/or Bitcoin.
The Politico:
They come in to do private party transfers every now and then and will spend an extra 30 mins talking politics
withat you. They have a dozen questions about every minute detail of the latest law or proposed anti gun bill – and despite your insistence that you aren’t a legal advisor or politician, they expect you to have all the answers. They insist on multiple occasions *I am not making this up* that Barack Obama is a closet homosexual and that Michelle Obama is a transvestite. You wonder how much tinfoil he hoards.The Surprise Salesman:
A customer in half-assed formal wear carrying a folder steps out of a rental car and enters your shop. They claim to be in the market for a new CC handgun and after looking at a Ruger LC9 for a few seconds will bring up that they just happen to be in town and work for this exciting new company and were wondering if you were interested in becoming a dealer with them. You are not.
The Searcher:
They have called repeatedly asking for Colt 1903 grip screws and Browning Hi-Power parts and don’t understand why you don’t have them in stock or why they can’t find any locally. When in the shop perusing your Magpul Pmags they’ll ask if you have any Astra magazines. They don’t understand why no one stocks tactical dropleg holsters for a Bersa Thunder 9mm. Despite offering to help them source some off the internet they insist that they need to see them in person first. You spot them at the next gun show slowly going from table to table searching.
The Fails To Do Any @#*^ing Research:
This customer has dived into the deep end of firearms purchasing without doing any research about firearms laws. At age 20 they had a handgun transferred in from Palmetto State Armory. With an out of state driver’s license. A year later you have to explain to them what an NFA item is and why you can’t just transfer them the SBS they bought off Impact Guns over the counter. They take 3 months to actually get their Form 4 completed/mailed in and then call you monthly asking if it’s cleared yet.
It always amazes me how every gun shop has the exact same customers no matter where they are. True brotherhood
Colion Noir did a video on this topic, and he hit me like a hammer hits a nail.
“The lurking know-it-all” the guy who ease drops in conversations wait for the opportunity to insert a little info on the subject, before I have the opportunity to be helped. and it is a little bit of an ego bump, but I try not to do it unless the customer, and the guy at the counter have no clue. last time I did that it was instruction on how to work the safety on a cobra arms derringer.
I try REALLY hard not to be a smug prick about it. but I feel like it comes off the wrong way some times.
Gun Shop Customer Archetypes
Published
Marshmellowmilktea 